The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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