peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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