look no pants
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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