Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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