im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
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I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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