the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Everyone says I win the strip club
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize