oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
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It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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