Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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