I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
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Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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