I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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