Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize