I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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