When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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