I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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