Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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