hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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