paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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