His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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