we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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