Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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