I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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