i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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