So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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