I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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