I accidentally burped into my bong.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize