dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
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my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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