Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize