you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize