My hand turned me down
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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