:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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