Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize