i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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