Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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