So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
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seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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