do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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