I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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