I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize