Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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