Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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