well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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