Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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