please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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