I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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