OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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