I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize