I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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