Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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