Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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