New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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