last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize